FAA Confirms Cause Of Crash That Killed Steve Bannon

Four people died this afternoon when a small plane crashed nose-first into the ground. The medical examiner onsite said that while they were all properly buckled in, the sheer G-force snapped their necks clean.

One of those passengers was Steve Bannon. Bannon, on his way from his ranch property in Oakhurst, New Jersey to a meeting in D.C., is said to have lived through the fracture, most likely gurgling to a slow and painful death four or five minutes later. “The mass of his neck made it possible for him to survive long enough to drown on his own saliva” as the doctor put it.

The FAA has now determined the cause of the crash to have been sabotage. Apparently, a small charge blew a hole in the fuel compartment, sending the fuel into the open air and the plane spiraling to its death. Captain Sergeant Reynoldo Malcolm of the 41st State Trooper Brigade of Maryland said the investigation didn’t take long at all:

“It was Dale Goff’s wife. Dale was the pilot. She blew the gas cap off with one of them jumpin’ jack firecrackers on a timed fuse. She caught Dale with her sister last night. She left a note. We’re pretty sure we’re gonna find her dead.”

It looks like this is just a case of wrong place wrong time. It’s a shame, too. This would be the perfect thing to blame on Hillary.

About Mrs Loreli Eagleton 67 Articles
Loreli Eagleton is the wife of Flagg Eagleton. She is a stay-at-home Mom of 7 who loves to make sandwiches and does what she's told -- until she doesn't!