REPORT: Clinton’s Death Changes Everything For The Democrats

Few people outside of party insiders knew the extent the Democrats depended on Hillary Clinton until her death. Now, without their ace in the hole, the party is lost. According to party spokesman and longtime Clinton friend, Art Tubolls, everything the party had planned has to change:

“After Stormy Daniels wins her case we were going to send Hillary right back in there to champion women. She was gonna campaign like the bitch that she is. She figured if Trump could be a crass, ignorant asshole than she could too.

Now, the party is once again looking at Booker or a Castro or…sigh…another Kennedy. Going back to square one without the most powerful player on the board won’t be easy to do.”

Tubolls, long considered the most effective political planner of this generation and one hell of a hammered dulcimer player, says he may end up sitting out the next round if a suitable candidate doesn’t come around:

“Unless Liz Warren or Michelle Obama want to give it a shot…we’re all but done in 2020.”

It’s comforting to know that the death of someone so evil will send the party of freeloaders into a tailspin. Maybe if they’re nice trump will give them jobs after he cuts their welfare and free steaks.

Adios, Killary.

About Mrs Loreli Eagleton 67 Articles
Loreli Eagleton is the wife of Flagg Eagleton. She is a stay-at-home Mom of 7 who loves to make sandwiches and does what she's told -- until she doesn't!