Trump Orders USS Ronald Reagan To Sink Korean Cruiser

Just moments ago the Battle Group led by the aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan fired on and sank a North Korean cruiser that had snuck into Vietnamese waters in the pre-dawn hours. The cruiser, according to the US War Department, was supposedly decommissioned years ago and was deemed to be on a suicide mission.

Rear Admiral Pauline DiMonteegelson told our reporter in the field that the order was totally avoidable, yes, but that she felt it was the right call:

“We sent a message to those nips that they won’t be sneaking up on us any time soon. That boat was 50 years old. We heard it coming 20 miles away. We put it on the bottom of the ocean with all hands two minutes after President trump gave the order. It takes a brave man to save lives like he did today.”

The North Koreans say that the ship was sold to a private Vietnamese collector who runs a charter service with it. The Vietnamese government confirmed that the ship was on a pre-plotted and approved course when it was destroyed.

President Trump’s office said the President is patiently waiting for the Koreans and Vietnamese to apologize since clearly nobody wants to acknowledge the massive cache of explosives onboard:

“President Trump informed the Joint Chiefs that his sources in the area, old business contacts, had confirmed that the ship was chartered to kill Americans. He gave the order and now everyone can live with it. He says he made the right call and that is all that matters.”

The President has complete control over hostile situations and imminent threats. He handled this one like a champ.

About Mrs Loreli Eagleton 67 Articles
Loreli Eagleton is the wife of Flagg Eagleton. She is a stay-at-home Mom of 7 who loves to make sandwiches and does what she's told -- until she doesn't!