UPDATE: Democrats Scramble To Pick Up Pieces After Pelosi Tragedy

The Democrat party is in shambles this afternoon after learning that Nancy Pelosi was involved in a hit and run on Friday morning that left her in a coma and knocking on death’s door. The doctors at Mercy General in her hometown give her “less than 20 percent” chance of survival.

Pelosi was walking across Montrose when a car came speeding up 5th and turned onto the Williams Parkway. About 3/10th’s of a mile down, a garbage truck forced the car to bear right at the fork onto Lyman, which runs parallel with Montrose. As the reckless driver sped by, Pelosi was hit by a Cooper Mini trying to escape the carnage. That car sped away without assisting.

Police are asking anyone with information to assist them by leaving a tip at policetips.gov.

The problem now for Democrats is that with Al Franken out as a sex criminal and Chuck Schumer devastated by the loss of his mistress, the Democrats will struggle to find someone anyone has ever heard of to take Pelosi’s spot if she dies. According to party spokesman Art Tubolls:

“Nancy is a tough old bird. She’ll pull through. If not, we’re ready to stand behind whoever steps up in the House of Representatives. There’s that one guy from Texas.”

That sounds an awful lot like a party with no direction. Those people honestly just have no idea what direction they’re going or who will lead them there.


About Mrs Loreli Eagleton 57 Articles
Loreli Eagleton is the wife of Flagg Eagleton. She is a stay-at-home Mom of 7 who loves to make sandwiches and does what she's told -- until she doesn't!